Limiting Beliefs

I am going to be completely selfish and publish an attempt at being obscurely personal. This is an endeavour to account feelings and have them posted on the world wide web as a gesture of significance. The problem is life puts a small group of people in a pit of rock bottom and it fades away. People drift off. Most you lose track of but some you hear had a horrible time and gave up entirely. And then you become one. A person in a rut, a life crisis, a deep depression, existential despair. In this world, reality and your internal is indistinct; the feelings feel real. In fact, grating to the point you loathe to spam this creature in familiar terms. But worse in its contagion, an Athenian miasma spewing out from Oedipus' loins to all those around you, who do not know you anymore. You lost your sense of having a self, almost like losing a science or technique and not an entity you still know well enough to grieve. It stinks.

Strangely, from learning what evil is trying to do I have become prone and prostrated before its effects. Evil wants to prevent accord between men and women in marriage; I have zero mojo for woman. I am shut-up and void of remarks-- even to customers! An absolute struggle to remain focused and attendant on worldly demands. It is darkness without corresponding light, unlike: I will not attend to life, I will attend to x. ... Description is a wound for historicity to make understanding peace with. Since the psychological pathogenesis is painful in itself (for bad memory of long nights' grasping), this experience doesn't feel like self- absorption in self- absorption. Show- absorption- to- self- torment. The ~experience- experience.

Reading 2knowmyself's "Limiting Beliefs" article:

I can't learn a new sport now, I should have started younger.

It's very hard to find a decent job these days, there is no way I could have a proper job.

No one gets everything in life. You have to choose.

(etc.)

I related to these sentiments! Substitute "new sport" for "general thing" and it's all correct. Most importantly, the bats swirling above my head that drip poison into my mind's perception. I feel whipped and sunk. Beaten. Nihilistic. And it's related to fear of one thing of all: change. The reality of prolonged sunkenness makes even change an enemy. At least my beliefs and ire over how much society has been disturbed to change sees change as giving into social pressure. So I cannot change to happier state. Even give the opportunity and I have shown to not be into life enough. A mute companion, lost in distraction fixed in place by a shroud overhead. Limiting Beliefs discussed not living up to potential from beliefs in false suppositions inhibiting growth. It's pointless to express.